Parenting

This week has been such an emotional roller coaster for me. To think I was laughing at friends over the summer as they got weepy-eyed and vented about how they were not ready for their babies to go to kindergarten.


Now I'm one of them. I know, I know. Spare your eye rolls and cynical comments, I'm not proud of these sniffles and misty eyed moments that I will admit, have evolved into the ugly cry (twice). Nobody said being a mother was easy and bless it, it's not!


I thought the newborn stage was hard enough. Seeing this tiny human you helped nurture and grow inside you, now being held in your arms and depending on you for EVERYTHING. Add that to your emotions all while your experiencing true love at first sight and what it feels like to have your heart living outside of your body. It's intense.


So now the last 5 years are coming ahead. On Monday, I will let Avery go out into the real world without me holding her hand or helping her make those tough decisions. It's all on her now, and that is unsettling. Did I teach her enough? Will she be okay? Is she as smart as the other kids? Will she remember her manners? The obnoxious uncertainties are ridiculous, I'm more than aware. However, it's where my head is at late at night.....


I can't be the only mother doing this to themselves, in fact, I know I'm not!


I'm sure the carpet by my bed is going to be worn pretty thin the next 5 days, Lord knows I've shed more tears and prayed harder than before Avery was born. I know she's covered, I know she will be fine and is going to make so many friends and learn so much. But for those moments in which she isn't...I just want to handle it for her and protect her from it. Selfishly.


I'm sure a month from now I'll be sitting with my morning coffee and scoffing at myself and how pathetic I am being while my kindergartner is busy being a rock star in both school and life.


Yeah.....Nobody said being a mother was easy and bless it, it's not.

Don't Blink...

I have a few precious moments of solitude as both the babes are asleep and Evan is still at work for another hour so here I am. Yes, my sink is full of dishes, the trash is overflowing (ahem, Evans slacking there), the living room looks like a tornado came through a few times and quite frankly, you don't want to know the layers of spit up I have on me at the moment.

Isn't motherhood grand?!

The past 2 weeks have been interesting for me with a few realizations and eye opening "Ah-ha!" moments. I've learned in the past month that with having a second child you learn to just let things go easier. Things I now wish I had learned with Avery. Then again, we didn't have visitors in Fort Worth. Being back in Denton, we have visitors every week! That's not a complaint mind you, I love it. I love having this connection with so many amazing people and being 2-10min away from them at any given time. The support, help, social life and overall handy-ness of it is overwhelming at times whereas with Avery everyone was 30min away.

I've come to realize in the simplest of ways that some things just do not matter.

That easy.

My house will be dirty occasionally but I'll clean it when it matters. I may not get to shower everyday (I've literally debated over a shower or extra sleep this week) or it may only be allowed around 2am but my hair will always be clean. Dishes will pile up, laundry too. I will no longer spaz out over it or get anxious with the thought of a unannounced visitor seeing my house not look like the cover of Better Homes. (Don't we all wish we could have homes look like that that are actually lived in?!) and here's why...

• I have 2 small children who need me more than the dirty dishes. They also grow up ridiculously fast and I refuse to miss out on special moments due to needing to vacuum for the millionth time a day.
• I have 2 cats that are indoor only and occasionally forget where their little box is.
• My couches are hand me downs, mix matched and falling apart due to also being the gymnastic course for the 4yr old.
• Don't even ask about my carpet, I've tried every remedy to remove those stains, they refuse to permanently die.

Life is so short. I used to scoff and laugh at people who would say that since it always seems most convenient after someone passes away to say that? But with Alyssa's birth...I'm afraid to blink. She is growing so quickly and it seems that now with her arrival and joining the family that Avery has decided to just become a little lady and is a different child from 2 months ago.

 I'm so busy trying to be super woman that I'm missing out on the small memories, the little things that make it all so cherish-able. My camera has hardly been used!! Add to that how I'm becoming more aware that my free time from not nursing or comforting Alyssa I'm using to clean or pick up when Avery simply asks mommy to play with her and I have said no because of housework. Seriously!? I doubt I ever forget seeing out of the corner of my eye her shoulders slump and turn in the hallway to walk to her bedroom while whispering "mommy never plays with me" last week. My heart broke then and there in my dining room as I looked around the living room and kitchen and just stopped. Stopped letting the mundane and superficial garbage take priority over my girls, my free time and my memory making.

So here's to you freak of nature type a's out there.

Come see my dirty house, my messy appearance and shake your head as I run late to anything and everything. In the end, my children are healthy, happy and thriving and I'm more content and sated in bliss because of it all. Some things in life can wait. I can have that Better Homes house in 18 years.

-Brittnye

Alyssa.

I've already shared Averys pictures from the oh-so-amazing Emily Davis so I find it only fair to share some of Alyssa's Newborn pics. I know, I'm becoming that annoying mom who does nothing but talk about and flaunt pictures of their kids due to not having a life outside them lately. Deal with it. :)

She's already 5 weeks old and ever changing. Craziness. How precious and fast these simple times of just holding and feeding and changing her are flying by. Soon, she'll be like her sister and I won't be able to snuggle or cuddle unless she's under the weather or has a small boo boo. Such is the life of a parent.

Welcome to Earth, Alyssa Jane.... (Her Birth Story, Long)

So unless you live under a rock, randomly found my blog for the first time tonight or just happen to be the under 10% who don't do anything social media related then it's no surprise or secret that our sweet family finally grew 2 weeks ago. Yes indeed, our sweet, beautiful and perfectly on time Alyssa Jane has arrived! Life the past 2 weeks has seemed to have flown by, hard to believe she's here (finally) or that I now have 2 girls!!!

The last 2 weeks of my pregnancy I was in prodromal labor or in simple English, false labor. This was super annoying as my body kept having contractions from 20min down to 5min apart non stop everyday. We went to L&D twice where the contractions would suddenly stop and wouldn't show up on the monitor yet they could feel them physically and I was slowly dilating and effacing more and more. I was miserable emotionally, I felt so dumb not knowing if I should go in or not. I also found out I was Group B positive which explained why I had an infection they couldn't find in early December that had everyone confused.

So Friday night, the 18th, Evan was supposed to be off work but got called in. Nan and Gary didn't want me to be alone so they invited Avery and I over for dinner and just to pretty much "babysit" me while Evan was at work since I wasn't feeling too well and was exhausted. I had napped hard earlier that day and my appetite was nowhere to be found all week which had Evan as usual, worried about me. We had dinner at Roadhouse where I barely ate my salad and potato and then went back to Mom and Dads to hang out and await Jarrod and Sarah. Once they showed up and started playing with Avery, my contractions started again but this time...they felt different...this time....they kinda hurt! I ignored them since I didn't think anything of it but over the next hour and a trip downstairs for fro-yo I was starting to think it may be time to call Evan home. Nan kept watching me and could tell something was up with me. I couldn't sit comfortably and would stand behind the chair and lean over it then walk up and down the hallway. I'm so stupidly stubborn sometimes and I didn't want to say anything to anyone because we had already had 2 false alarms. I txted Evan and when he called was trying to talk in code so they wouldn't hear me pretty much tell him "Hey, come get me, I think I'm in labor." (Again, I'm stubborn)

Evan showed up to which I just looked at Nan after talking to her and said we'd see them later. Gave hugs and said goodnight to Avery as she was staying with them and we headed to L&D yet again. We went home first, packed a bag for Avery, packed more for the hospital, took care of the cats and then headed to the hospital where I was in tears from the contractions which were 3min apart. Got checked in to L&D at 10:45pm and I kid you not, 20min later...everything stopped. Contractions disappeared, back pain, nausea...it all stopped. I was so mad and just drained over it all. The nurses suggested we walk so we spent an hour walking up and down the skybridge where I had the most painful contraction that literally stopped me dead and had me gasping for breath, crying and shaking. but it didn't last or continue. Went back to our room where the nurse said my OB wanted me to stay overnight just to be sure. She'd see me in the morning before I was discharged. So..Evan went to sleep and I stayed up all night frustrated that yet again, I wasted everyones time and swearing my body was against me. My nurse wasn't too nice or huge on communicating but would check in every few hours and around 2am asked if I wanted a sleep aid which I declined. She came back at 3am with a tech and had me fill out paperwork which I assumed were my discharge papers since the monitor wasn't picking anything up even though I was feeling a few contractions here and there but nothing painful or notable to time.

The tech came back shortly after I signed the paperwork and started an IV. When I asked her why they were starting an IV when I was being discharged in a few hours she just said my OB ordered it and I was doing lab work anyway so it was easier if she just did my IV. I was too tired to care at that point. Around 5:30 they came and took a ton of blood from me, at 6am my OB walked in with my new nurse Megan, who had been my nurse the first time we came to L&D and remembered me so I was excited to see her (she's amazing, funny and super sweet). My OB just smiled and told me it was up to me what would happen next. I had been in prodromal labor for 13days, she knew I was miserable and it was my due date so I could stay or we could go home and see what happens but I was at a 4 and fully effaced so it was all down to when my water would break. So I looked at Evan and just started crying and said "I want to stay, I'm tired." and she literally looked at the nurse and said "alright, let's break her water and then let her rest for the morning, she'll have this baby fast." So, they immediately broke my water and the contractions started within 5 minutes from that, they painful ones and yet again, the monitor wasn't picking anything up.

I mentioned how amazing my nurse was right? Well, seriously, she was! She watched the monitor then my breathing and finally said "Let's get an internal monitor going I bet your contractions are too low for the belly monitors to read." she set up the internal monitor and the screens lit up with contractions 3 min apart and strong! They then started my 1st round of heavy antibiotics for GBS in which I suddenly couldn't stop shaking or crying or almost seizing from the pain. Seriously, it was the most intense pain, burning sensation up my arm and shoulder. I've never felt that kind of pain and Evan thought it was all from the contractions but it was from the IV. Evan freaked out and called the nurse but it wasn't Megan who came in, it was the night nurse and she simply looked at Evan and I and said "it can't be that bad, it's a strong antibiotic and it'll be over in 5min, just try to relax" and with that she walked out of the room. SERIOUSLY?! Glad it wasn't an emergency.

So I cried and screamed and Evan rubbed my back and tried to help me through the antibiotic which did finish shortly after the rude nurse came in. Megan came in soon after and got me some ice and let me know I was at a 6 and doing good and set a goal time of 3pm to have Alyssa. She was so set that I would be in my PP room by 4pm and stayed and chatted with us for awhile. I told Evan to go on and take a shower and take Averys bag to mom and dads since it would be awhile yet and as tired as I was, was going to try to sleep. Megan told him it wouldn't be anytime soon and since he was still in his Peterbilt uniform should go get cleaned up.

I rested off and on between contractions, they were getting more intense but I was breathing through them and not really freaking out like I did with Avery's labor. With those contractions I couldn't breathe or relax and had got my epidural super early to help which ended up being a spinal block so I was numb and dead from the waist down by the time I was a 4. Here I was at a 6 and doing good so I decided to wait an hour before getting my epidural so Evan could be back. Yeah, he takes forever which I should have known better so I got my epidural while he was gone. My body started shaking again and even with Megan helping me sit still it took the anesthesiologist 3 attempts because I kept moving and shifting right as he would try to stick it. Once he got it and set up the pack on my IV he handed me the button and said to just hit it when I needed more help with the pain. Megan had the bed propped up so I was in a yoga sitting position to help Alyssa transition lower faster and checked me again (It was 11:30) and I was at a 7! Then we came up with a plan to freak Evan out since he was taking forever. When he walked in all fresh and clean and full of food, I was propped up in bed with a pillow in front of me while Megan was sitting next to me and when she saw him she said "Oh my gosh! You missed you wife in action, your Alyssa is so beautiful!! Did you see her in the nursery?!" In which I added "You missed it all! I had her so fast! What took you so long!?"

His face was priceless. He seriously stood there in shock and thought I had already had her. Megan and I laughed so hard at him before we then has to explain to him I was still very much pregnant but it would be soon and he missed helping with the epidural.

Megan left to get my second round of antibiotics, when she came back Evan and I both asked her a million questions about the meds because I was not going to take it again if I had to feel that much pain. When Megan scolded us for not saying something earlier Evan explained what the other nurse had said and done and Megan just shook her head and said she'd make sure it wasn't so bad. She literally stayed at the IV and pushed fluids with the anitbiotics to flush it through my arm faster. It didn't hurt nearly as bad and after it was done she said she'd let Dr. Dooley know how it affectd me but doubted I would need another round since I was so close to having Alyssa.

So during all this, I'm feeling the contractions more and more. I'm breathing more through them and grabbing the rail for support. When Megan asked if I was feeling them I would tell her Yes and she would press my button but nothing was happening....so she'd press the button on the pack at my iv stand and I'd go numb on my left side for only a few minutes. Pretty much, my epidural had failed. It wasn't taking effect.

Oddly enough though, I was handling the contractions just fine. I wasn't in any real pain, just uncomfortable. They didn't last long enough to really hurt or make me tense up and I was still sitting up right and moving my legs and just waiting for the next one.

Here's where it gets a little embarressing for me. My contractions were getting super intense but along with them came this crazy pressure in my butt, like I needed to go to the bathroom type feeling. It kept getting stronger and stronger and I finally looked at Evan and told him how I needed to go to the bathroom before I had an embarressing accident!! He didn't feel comfortable with me getting up so he called for Megan. When she walked in I was almost begging her to help me get tot he bathroom because I didn't want to have an accident. She just laughed and assured me it was Alyssa's head, not the other thing. I didn't believe her though and started arguing with her about what I was feeling! I mean, I would know the difference right?! She was trying not to laugh at my freaking out and finally said she'd check me to see where I was at. To which I was at a 10 and Alyssa was almost there! She told me to lay on my left side to help move Alyssa shift a bit while she went to get Dr. Dooley.  She came back in and had me go back on my back and we'd do a practice push. Evan and her started counting me off for the practice push and once I pushed they both said to stop.

Evan just kept saying "Her head! Her head is out, don't push Britt!". Megan ran to the door and asked for help when several nurses came in with Dr. Dooley who was getting a gown on. She looked at me and said "We do our practice pushing? We ready to have this baby? It's only 1:27, your beating Megans goal time!" Megan came back to my leg and told her "No, no more practice pushing, she's already crowned!" and then I was swarmed by everyone telling me not to push yet. (not so easy when every contraction felt like I was already pushing) One Tech waited for Dr. Dooley to get in postion then said "Okay, let's time these pushes and have this baby girl." Yeah.....

I pushed 2 short times and at 1:32pm Alyssa Jane Hartfield was placed in my arms. Healthy, perfect, a full head of dark hair and weighing in at 7lbs 4oz and 19.5inches long. On her due date no less. :)

Proud Daddy.

We did it!

Avery, Mom and Dad arrived shortly afterwards. Avery was afraid of her sister and didn't want to get near her at all. She also didn't like Nina taking pictures or Pawpa holding the baby.

Easy Labor, Easy Delivery, and 2wks down, she is simply an easy baby. Avery is no longer afraid of her, in fact, she loves her sister and loves helping out anyway she can. It's so sweet to watch these two together, seriously. We're so blessed. It's just ridiculous. :)

Sisters.

Happy Birthday Avery Claire!!!

I hate that I didn't get to post this on Avery's birthday as I have the last 3 years but truly, life is always hectic around the holidays and her birthday seems to be the kick-off to the hectic-ness.

So yes. Hard to believe but...Avery turned 4 on December 19th!!! I seriously can not keep up with her sometimes and she just needs to stop growing up on us. She's no longer a toddler anymore and that was hard enough to handle when she left the chubby baby phase. This year we celebrated with a small party at Chuck E. Cheese, or as Evan and I code named it "Charles E. Queso". She had a blast and it was so sweet to see her surrounded by such fun friends.

She was a happy girl and got ridiculously spoiled with what seems like a million My little ponies. (Her new fave addiction)

Sweet Avery Claire,
 I doubt there will ever be a birthday that comes for you that I don't get emotional or feel overwhelmed by. You are still and continue to be the biggest and brightest light in your daddy and I's lives. You make us so proud and when we think of how it seems like just yesterday when you were brought into this world, way ahead of schedule, on a ridiculously hot December day....time truly has seemed to have flown by. You are 4yrs old now and going on 6! You are still one of the most polite kids we know, you never meet a stranger and your sweet spirit enraptures everyone you meet. Your smile is always on and your goofy laugh is infectious. Your love of the Lord makes me feel in awe. How you soak up everything and love to pray daily or recite your memory verses and get excited when you get it right. You are such a Blessing to us and our prayer for you this year is that you continue to grow in the Lords love and light, that you stay true to yourself and what you believe in and continue to grow in all ways. That your smile never fades, your laughter never dies and that you cherish each new thing this year brings you as you approach so many changes with becoming a Big Sister and soon.....Pre-School. I'll never stop kissing you and hugging you no matter how many times you wipe them away and beg me to stop, I love you so sweet girl and can't believe you are 4 now.

XOXO,
Mom

Thankful: Day 10

Day 10-


I am Thankful for "Little Miss" and this pregnancy.

When Evan and I decided to try for baby #2 I figured it wouldn't be a big deal, I've been through pregnancies before and we went through all the testing and what not to just make sure it may not be fertility issues or me or him to blame for past miscarriages and all the complications we had with Avery's pregnancy. Her pregnancy and how hard it was on me is the main reason we waited as long as we did.

With Little Miss, I have had zero complications and pretty much, a perfect pregnancy! I had morning sickness (new for me) and all the symptoms that I really didn't get with Avery in the 1st trimester. It's just been a huge blessing for us as a family and the closer we get to her arrival the more I clearly see that.

It's still as precious to me as it was with Avery, feeling this tiny miracle grow inside me. The nudges, the kicks, the punches and hiccups...all still fill me with joy and awe and the occasional groan when I just want to sleep or get comfy but her antics disrupt that. I enjoy getting bigger and bigger, which I know is odd to say but I wasn't this big with Avery and yet I felt more confidence in myself and my body when I was pregnant with her and it's the same this time around too.

This perfect baby girl being knit together and growing strong in me is just a blessing. To know God made her just for us is so amazing. The plans, the dreams and the completeness I feel when I think of her arrival and welcome into our family. All seems just right.

I must say just seeing how her arrival into our lives is already changing Avery is sweet too. She is so thrilled to be a big sister and gets overjoyed when we talk about her, when she does her nigh-night routine and hugs and kisses and blows bubbles on my belly, or when she sees and feels baby sister kick and move or even when she gets rowdy and tickles and talks to my belly and laughs hysterically when little sister reacts (which she does!).

I'm so loving these special memories and intimate moments with my girls. I can't imagine how much better they will be when she's actually here and we're able to touch and kiss and watch her grow with us.

Thankful: Day 2

Day 2- I'm Thankful for bad parenting.


I know, I know. Some of you are sitting there re-reading that and going "Say wha?!" but hear me out....

My past is no secret, my family life is no secret and my struggles with acceptance and family drama is especially no secret. I spent so much of my life being bitter, angry, discouraged and often times just rebellious until I got married and then things started changing for me.

Now that I'm a mom and wife and have been shown what a real family is with my amazing in-loves I no longer have all these painful feelings or fears I struggled with. I've cut ties with the majority of my family simply because they will never be alright with me NOT being part of the drama and cycle they seemingly love to stay in, not too mention my overwhelming need to mother or help out or give advice always seemed to backfire and I seemed to forever be to blame for everything when all I did was try to help. I thought it would be hard but in reality, I have NEVER been as happy, positive or motivated or just relieved or accepting of who I am as I have been in the last year. It's amazing and it clearly shows in me on the inside and out.

So yes, I am THANKFUL for Bad Parenting. To my birth parents who just couldn't get it right and made poor choices repeatedly which in the end resulted in their children being separated and lives being more difficult than most. I am Thankful. I'm Thankful for the harsh upbringing, the struggles and all. It helped me become who I am today, it instilled such a fear in me to stay on the right path( not that I always followed it), fight for what I wanted in and for my life and to not settle on being what so many assumed I would be simply because of who my birth parents were. Without their mistakes I doubt my life would be as blessed as it is now, I doubt I'd be as great of a mom as I am if I didn't strive to be the mother I wish I had growing up. I wouldn't have married the most amazing man whose faith in me even when I was broken has restored so much and has made me strong. I just have so much to Thank them for rather than blame them for, I wasted too much of my life thinking the opposite.

11yrs later....

I honestly had no intention of blogging about today. Yes, I'm well aware it's Patriot Day and as an American who was alive on September 11, 2001 I still have a very, VERY vivid account of my life that day and the following weeks after the attacks on our country. I know I have posted throughout the years about it, I know I've shared  feelings, thoughts and emotions about it but tonight, it shifted for me. Tonight it was brought back anew for me and I had to have a conversation about it I really wish I didn't have to.

I got caught up in the news on CNN and flipped to another channel which happened to be the history channel, not thinking much about the time I watched coverage of the events of 9/11 and listening to peoples accounts of that day.  As I went to get a tissue since I was crying I realized Avery had left her bed at some point and was leaning against the couch watching the TV.....

My sweet 3yr old was watching the first building fall with big wide eyes and then looked at me as I stood there crying and just said "Mommy! What happened!"

What do you say? How do you respond? How do you explain something so horrible and so life altering for millions of people to a 3yr old?!

So I grabbed a tissue, put the TV on mute and sat her beside me as she wiped my face and kept asking if I was okay. I literally didn't know how to have the conversation with Avery, I didn't want to. I know it's important, I know it's history for her but she's 3!!!

So I just started with "Mommys okay, just sad at watching the TV show what happened when mommy and daddy were in high school, it happened 11yrs ago, before you were born." She grasped that part easy enough and just said "What happened?" So I continued with "well, some bad men did something terrible in NYC and in Pennsylvania, they took over some planes and flew them into some important buildings and a lot of people got hurt and went to heaven that day."

"Why they do that mommy?"

Why indeed! I sat there trying to figure out how to answer this and just tried to sort out what I felt and what many Americans felt, we still have soldiers over there fighting because of these events!

"Baby, some people have hard hearts towards our country because they don't understand our freedoms, you know what freedoms are? Like how you get to go to school, go to church, college some day...other countries don't get to do these things. Mommy can't tell you why they did this but it happened and it hurt a lot of people and now we have soldiers fighting on the other side of the world to make sure we stay safe."

She sat with me for a bit, wiped my face then just said "That's so sad mommy, but we have good people still"

I didn't really say much to that,just smiled and asked if she had any other questions or if she wanted to talk about it anymore. "It happened?" "Yes baby, way before you were born" "You and daddy saw it?" "Yes baby, we were in high school." "It made you sad?" "Still does." "Okay mommy."

As a parent you have a few moments where certain topics get brought up and you prepare for them, like  death, puberty, driving, high school, graduation, first heartbreak, first lost friendships, etc....but having to explain terrorist attacks on your country past or present or war or things of that nature...I wasn't aware of!

I wish I could protect her sweet innocence longer, I wish she wasn't so keen on things but I also know she can handle these facts of life because of her personality and because of her sweet nurturing nature. I know she will ask questions if she feels like it and I also know she won't let it haunt her. I just wish I knew the magic words, I fear of failing her in understanding why things happen and in this day and age it's just sickening to know what some people are capable of doing to strangers.

I still, 11 years later, cry over scenes and stories of 9/11. I still get a little angry, I'm still confused. I'm also proud of our country, proud of the soldiers who fight willingly, proud of those who enlisted shortly after, proud of the victims families who still have pride in their hearts and never let their loved ones be forgotten.

September Already!? :)

I feel like such a broken record with my poor blog. I could have sworn I updated a few times in August but apparently I didn't! Same with my HLC blog which I'm starting to wonder was worth all the hype but I know it's just the pregnancy and summer-ness getting to me on that end.

SO much to catch up on and I warn you now you oh-so-AMAZING reader, I've got much to update and just pour out about. Maybe need to hash things out in a 2-parter and just keep this entry as simple as possible.

Life at the Hartfield casa seems to finally be slowing down after a busy summer. We just got back from a weekend trip with Evans parents (always and I mean ALWAYS fun being with those two amazing people!). Avery started school this week too which means new routine and schedule and not too mention a little free time for mommy and daddy.

Check out my big girl!!!

She is Blessed with two awesome teachers this year and I just can not tell you how EXCITED Evan and I are that she gets to have this experience. She really loves her school and the 1st week is done and she already has made new friends! She's also ridiculously taller than her classmates.....

We had 2 more foster litters come and go and we even got our sweet mama kitty, Layla adopted! I know it sounds dumb but after having her be at our fence, deck and slowy into our home after 2 years, I kinda didn't expect her to get adopted and she was adopted just 2hrs after I took her to the shelter!! When I was notified about her adoption, I sobbed. I'm talking...wailed! Boo-hooed and did the full blown ugly cry. I loved her and was so used to her ALWAYS being with us even though she really wasn't ours. After the last kitten was gone it took me 3 days to realize I wasn't hearing kittens or needing to get up and feed them. Paris and Gus are sure happy and Evan has asked that I not bring home anymore Little's until after our own new little arrives. :)


Speaking of our Little.....

IT'S A GIRL!!!!!

We are having ANOTHER girl! We found out 2wks ago and are super excited. For now she is referred to as "Little Miss" since we are not sharing her name until she is born. (I told 2 friends on accident and Evan told his parents so now we are being VERY strict with this rule!) Sadly, this is the best sono pic I have so far but I have my anatomy scan on Tuesday so hopefully I will get a better pic to share.

I'm 21wks today! Crazy to think we are already half way there! I started feeling her at 16wks but as of last week she has decided to let me know EVERY move she makes! With Avery it was a few stretches in my ribs and hiccups but this one....she's a roly poly!! Usually around 7am and 10pm she is most active and I am loving every second of it. I'll get a 20wks picture uploaded soon and show my 14wk/16wk & 20wk belly shots. :)

So far we know she has her daddy's booty, chin and profile, just like Avery did. She is super long and has little feet.

I'm finally getting the reality of it I think. I've been telling people how weird it is for me to be so lax about EVERYTHING with this pregnancy but once we found out SHE was a SHE I started planning and thinking and list making. Evan and I went to Babies R Us and started a registry, we've got her and Averys room laid out so I know where to start from there. I just wish I could narrow things down and stop being so indecisive. SO much has changed on the market since we had Avery and we both feel weird about asking people to buy Little Miss gifts for her shower which.....hasn't even been planned or talked about and I'm not even sure if I'm having one.

Her colors are Gray and Lilac with no theme for her nursery. I'm just going for colors and patterns. Super Hartfield, I know. ;)

Alright, that should do for a sufficient update. I'll get belly pics and another update out and about before the weekend hits full throttle.

Thanks for sticking with me and my lazy, nonblogging self.

-Brittnye

Finding the Silver Lining in the middle of the night.

Well, round one of Avery's costume is complete. She and it both survived the church's fall festival with only a few cupcakes gone MIA. I'll take it. There were some tears when putting it all on, I think she was overwhelmed with all the pink and she let Evan and I know she wasn't happy with us making her wear it all by refusing to do anything for us at the festival. Thank goodness for my in-loves, they took her around the majority of the time and she played games and got some candy in return. She was WORN OUT by the time we got back to their house and after a bath she didn't put much of a fuss to go to bed. We all watched the Ranger came before though, we would have kept her up from all our yelling anyways. :) Here's a few pictures....

The Cupcake Fairy's Wings.

Playing some games for candy!

(I bought the wings at wal*mart, cut out paper cupcakes and glued them to her wings, tutu and shoes)

Not too bad right?

Tomorrow we aren't going to do much for Halloween, we're going by a few close friends homes on our way back to Fort Worth for Avery to trick-or-treat at. So far when I get her to try practicing saying "Trick-or-treat" she just shrugs and screams "I Cute!" *Sigh* She's so my daughter.

I can hardly believe that Monday will be NOVEMBER. This year is starting to fly by and it's about to get crazy busy for us but at the same time, I'm welcoming it because it's the start of a new chapter. We're so ready to let all the negative of this year and more so of this season just be gone and done with.

Evan and I have had a hard time staying positive with our struggles financially as of late but one thing remains firm...we do not let Avery see us at our weak moments. She has no idea what's going on with us and that's all I can hope for. I hope she never knows our struggle to bring food home or keep electricity on or how we boil water on the stove to give her a hot bath because we can't afford our gas bill. I hope she never remembers the nights daddy doesn't come in until close to 10pm because he's working late after school so he can try to get more money for us. It hurts to see Evan have this pressure on him when we're both trying so hard. I know it'll pass, I know it's temporary but it's scary to think we don't know how we're going to make ends meet from one week to the next, it's scary to know you have no savings but you have a family and life is ALWAYS unpredictable.

Oh well, nothing to stay sad over, we'll get by like we have the past month (which still amazes me how we've pulled it off and THAT can only be a God thing). I just pray (selfishly) that we can overcome this before Avery's birthday and Christmas, I'd hate to have to cancel her birthday or have a tree with nothing to give her or Evan under it. That'll break my heart and I KNOW that's so ridiculous because it's not about the material things...trust me, I am beyond humbled in the blessings God has given me and I still get overwhelmed when I hear Evan and Avery giggling in another room , or when Avery snuggles with me and whispers she loves me or even just whispers my name with her nose pressing mine. I am rich in blessings, my cup runneth over and that's the only reason my head is still semi-held up with dealing with the scariness of our situation right now.

Which must be obvious because so many people are shocked when they find out what's going on with us. We don't really scream out "We're in need!" in public. I've been reading Isaiah and Proverbs this past week and am searching for the lesson Gods giving me in my life right now. I know this is all part of it and in the end my reaction and how I handle it will be a reflection of my walk with Christ so there's no way I'm taking the chicken way out of it all.

Alright, soapbox time is officially over, just be mindful in your prayers of us please.

You know your getting old when it's barely 11pm on a Saturday night (All Hallows Eve at that) and your about to pass out from sleepiness. We're in for a treat at church in the morning with a country christian band "Branded" doing the morning service at MSBC.I'm looking forward to it. As well as fixing Averys outfit again and going to our friends places tomorrow night.

My sister will be here next Saturday through the 16th and I'm so happy.  I'll get to get some things done while she's here and willing to watch Avery (spoil her more like it) as well as that means after she leaves we're a week from Missouri. Oh, to get out of dodge for a bit and go on a road trip to be with some amazing people is just what my spirit needs!

Happy Halloween Everyone! Be Safe and have fun.

Blessings & Love,
Britt & Co.