This week has been such an emotional roller coaster for me. To think I was laughing at friends over the summer as they got weepy-eyed and vented about how they were not ready for their babies to go to kindergarten.
Now I'm one of them. I know, I know. Spare your eye rolls and cynical comments, I'm not proud of these sniffles and misty eyed moments that I will admit, have evolved into the ugly cry (twice). Nobody said being a mother was easy and bless it, it's not!
I thought the newborn stage was hard enough. Seeing this tiny human you helped nurture and grow inside you, now being held in your arms and depending on you for EVERYTHING. Add that to your emotions all while your experiencing true love at first sight and what it feels like to have your heart living outside of your body. It's intense.
So now the last 5 years are coming ahead. On Monday, I will let Avery go out into the real world without me holding her hand or helping her make those tough decisions. It's all on her now, and that is unsettling. Did I teach her enough? Will she be okay? Is she as smart as the other kids? Will she remember her manners? The obnoxious uncertainties are ridiculous, I'm more than aware. However, it's where my head is at late at night.....
I can't be the only mother doing this to themselves, in fact, I know I'm not!
I'm sure the carpet by my bed is going to be worn pretty thin the next 5 days, Lord knows I've shed more tears and prayed harder than before Avery was born. I know she's covered, I know she will be fine and is going to make so many friends and learn so much. But for those moments in which she isn't...I just want to handle it for her and protect her from it. Selfishly.
I'm sure a month from now I'll be sitting with my morning coffee and scoffing at myself and how pathetic I am being while my kindergartner is busy being a rock star in both school and life.
Yeah.....Nobody said being a mother was easy and bless it, it's not.