Day 2- I'm Thankful for bad parenting.
I know, I know. Some of you are sitting there re-reading that and going "Say wha?!" but hear me out....
My past is no secret, my family life is no secret and my struggles with acceptance and family drama is especially no secret. I spent so much of my life being bitter, angry, discouraged and often times just rebellious until I got married and then things started changing for me.
Now that I'm a mom and wife and have been shown what a real family is with my amazing in-loves I no longer have all these painful feelings or fears I struggled with. I've cut ties with the majority of my family simply because they will never be alright with me NOT being part of the drama and cycle they seemingly love to stay in, not too mention my overwhelming need to mother or help out or give advice always seemed to backfire and I seemed to forever be to blame for everything when all I did was try to help. I thought it would be hard but in reality, I have NEVER been as happy, positive or motivated or just relieved or accepting of who I am as I have been in the last year. It's amazing and it clearly shows in me on the inside and out.
So yes, I am THANKFUL for Bad Parenting. To my birth parents who just couldn't get it right and made poor choices repeatedly which in the end resulted in their children being separated and lives being more difficult than most. I am Thankful. I'm Thankful for the harsh upbringing, the struggles and all. It helped me become who I am today, it instilled such a fear in me to stay on the right path( not that I always followed it), fight for what I wanted in and for my life and to not settle on being what so many assumed I would be simply because of who my birth parents were. Without their mistakes I doubt my life would be as blessed as it is now, I doubt I'd be as great of a mom as I am if I didn't strive to be the mother I wish I had growing up. I wouldn't have married the most amazing man whose faith in me even when I was broken has restored so much and has made me strong. I just have so much to Thank them for rather than blame them for, I wasted too much of my life thinking the opposite.
Showing posts with label tough decisions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tough decisions. Show all posts
Friday, November 2, 2012
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
11yrs later....
I honestly had no intention of blogging about today. Yes, I'm well aware it's Patriot Day and as an American who was alive on September 11, 2001 I still have a very, VERY vivid account of my life that day and the following weeks after the attacks on our country. I know I have posted throughout the years about it, I know I've shared feelings, thoughts and emotions about it but tonight, it shifted for me. Tonight it was brought back anew for me and I had to have a conversation about it I really wish I didn't have to.
I got caught up in the news on CNN and flipped to another channel which happened to be the history channel, not thinking much about the time I watched coverage of the events of 9/11 and listening to peoples accounts of that day. As I went to get a tissue since I was crying I realized Avery had left her bed at some point and was leaning against the couch watching the TV.....
My sweet 3yr old was watching the first building fall with big wide eyes and then looked at me as I stood there crying and just said "Mommy! What happened!"
What do you say? How do you respond? How do you explain something so horrible and so life altering for millions of people to a 3yr old?!
So I grabbed a tissue, put the TV on mute and sat her beside me as she wiped my face and kept asking if I was okay. I literally didn't know how to have the conversation with Avery, I didn't want to. I know it's important, I know it's history for her but she's 3!!!
So I just started with "Mommys okay, just sad at watching the TV show what happened when mommy and daddy were in high school, it happened 11yrs ago, before you were born." She grasped that part easy enough and just said "What happened?" So I continued with "well, some bad men did something terrible in NYC and in Pennsylvania, they took over some planes and flew them into some important buildings and a lot of people got hurt and went to heaven that day."
"Why they do that mommy?"
Why indeed! I sat there trying to figure out how to answer this and just tried to sort out what I felt and what many Americans felt, we still have soldiers over there fighting because of these events!
"Baby, some people have hard hearts towards our country because they don't understand our freedoms, you know what freedoms are? Like how you get to go to school, go to church, college some day...other countries don't get to do these things. Mommy can't tell you why they did this but it happened and it hurt a lot of people and now we have soldiers fighting on the other side of the world to make sure we stay safe."
She sat with me for a bit, wiped my face then just said "That's so sad mommy, but we have good people still"
I didn't really say much to that,just smiled and asked if she had any other questions or if she wanted to talk about it anymore. "It happened?" "Yes baby, way before you were born" "You and daddy saw it?" "Yes baby, we were in high school." "It made you sad?" "Still does." "Okay mommy."
As a parent you have a few moments where certain topics get brought up and you prepare for them, like death, puberty, driving, high school, graduation, first heartbreak, first lost friendships, etc....but having to explain terrorist attacks on your country past or present or war or things of that nature...I wasn't aware of!
I wish I could protect her sweet innocence longer, I wish she wasn't so keen on things but I also know she can handle these facts of life because of her personality and because of her sweet nurturing nature. I know she will ask questions if she feels like it and I also know she won't let it haunt her. I just wish I knew the magic words, I fear of failing her in understanding why things happen and in this day and age it's just sickening to know what some people are capable of doing to strangers.
I still, 11 years later, cry over scenes and stories of 9/11. I still get a little angry, I'm still confused. I'm also proud of our country, proud of the soldiers who fight willingly, proud of those who enlisted shortly after, proud of the victims families who still have pride in their hearts and never let their loved ones be forgotten.
I got caught up in the news on CNN and flipped to another channel which happened to be the history channel, not thinking much about the time I watched coverage of the events of 9/11 and listening to peoples accounts of that day. As I went to get a tissue since I was crying I realized Avery had left her bed at some point and was leaning against the couch watching the TV.....
My sweet 3yr old was watching the first building fall with big wide eyes and then looked at me as I stood there crying and just said "Mommy! What happened!"
What do you say? How do you respond? How do you explain something so horrible and so life altering for millions of people to a 3yr old?!
So I grabbed a tissue, put the TV on mute and sat her beside me as she wiped my face and kept asking if I was okay. I literally didn't know how to have the conversation with Avery, I didn't want to. I know it's important, I know it's history for her but she's 3!!!
So I just started with "Mommys okay, just sad at watching the TV show what happened when mommy and daddy were in high school, it happened 11yrs ago, before you were born." She grasped that part easy enough and just said "What happened?" So I continued with "well, some bad men did something terrible in NYC and in Pennsylvania, they took over some planes and flew them into some important buildings and a lot of people got hurt and went to heaven that day."
"Why they do that mommy?"
Why indeed! I sat there trying to figure out how to answer this and just tried to sort out what I felt and what many Americans felt, we still have soldiers over there fighting because of these events!
"Baby, some people have hard hearts towards our country because they don't understand our freedoms, you know what freedoms are? Like how you get to go to school, go to church, college some day...other countries don't get to do these things. Mommy can't tell you why they did this but it happened and it hurt a lot of people and now we have soldiers fighting on the other side of the world to make sure we stay safe."
She sat with me for a bit, wiped my face then just said "That's so sad mommy, but we have good people still"
I didn't really say much to that,just smiled and asked if she had any other questions or if she wanted to talk about it anymore. "It happened?" "Yes baby, way before you were born" "You and daddy saw it?" "Yes baby, we were in high school." "It made you sad?" "Still does." "Okay mommy."
As a parent you have a few moments where certain topics get brought up and you prepare for them, like death, puberty, driving, high school, graduation, first heartbreak, first lost friendships, etc....but having to explain terrorist attacks on your country past or present or war or things of that nature...I wasn't aware of!
I wish I could protect her sweet innocence longer, I wish she wasn't so keen on things but I also know she can handle these facts of life because of her personality and because of her sweet nurturing nature. I know she will ask questions if she feels like it and I also know she won't let it haunt her. I just wish I knew the magic words, I fear of failing her in understanding why things happen and in this day and age it's just sickening to know what some people are capable of doing to strangers.
I still, 11 years later, cry over scenes and stories of 9/11. I still get a little angry, I'm still confused. I'm also proud of our country, proud of the soldiers who fight willingly, proud of those who enlisted shortly after, proud of the victims families who still have pride in their hearts and never let their loved ones be forgotten.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
ParentHood = Worries
Tonight I went and saw a sneak preview of the movie "Life as we know it".
I wasn't expecting much besides a little alone time and the coolness of seeing a movie a week before it came out but instead I laughed like I haven't in a long time and cried more than I'd like in a public place. Being a mommy I could totally relate to the characters as they learned how to raise a 1 year old and it made me feel like I was in the cool club since I've been there and done that and wished that hadn't happened at times....
It also gave me a very uneasy feeling of not having a plan so to speak....It's no secret that in the movie this precious little girls parents are both killed in an accident and left to be cared for by 2 single mutual friends of her parents..I knew that going in but it still hit me hard....I sobbed so hard during this part of the movie and felt heartsick...What if something like that were to happen to Evan and I? Who would take care of Avery? What would happen with her?
When we were in our third trimester I remember our insurance lady calling and asking how I was doing and wondering if we'd like to look into making out our wills so things could be done in preparation for our new life chapter...Evan and I laughed about that phone call because we couldn't fathom anything happening to us so young and at the same time....but then Avery was born. You instantly fall in love with your baby the moment you see their tiny face, you feel a sense of obligation and pride and you indistinctly want to protect them from all the bad things in the world. Your attitude and views change I mean....having a child is life altering in so many ways (all positive!). We hadn't even left the hospital when Evan and I started talking about who we'd want as Avery's God-parents, who we'd want to raise her if something should happen to us, what we wanted her to grow up knowing, the kind of schools and interest she should have to help nurture her etc.etc.etc.
She has a wonderful God-father and God-mother but they don't seem to be into kids at all, they rarely see her and we rarely see them and they never ask about her unless we bring her up which we do all the time because we'll..we're parents. However, in the 21months of Avery's life we have made so many new friends, we've grown apart from others we wished we hadn't and also some we were thankful to part from.
Maybe we're too old fashioned here? Is this something most parents already sort out before they even have children? Do you parents out their have a plan in case something happens? It was always my thought that God-Parents were the ones you would want your child to look up to and be the ones to raise your child if heaven forbid something happened to you both but I don't think in our situation that that would be a good thing for either side. The movie also pointed out a very true thing of...the two people never knew they were chosen by the parents and they never agreed to doing it but they did it because they loved the little girl.....I don't want to burden someone with that!
Evan and I are going to sit down and make out our wills soon and look into a trust fund to start putting money in for Avery for college and what-not but I just can't help wondering who we could put under the subject line of raising Avery if something should happen to us both and thanks to this movie it worries me to not have a plan for her even though it's HIGHLY unlikely that Evan and I would both go together and leave her alone.
I could cry just thinking about it let alone the movie, which I may add is a really good movie and I highly recommend it because it's funny and so realistic and you get swept into it which is what movies are supposed to do to you.
Life is Precious.
I wasn't expecting much besides a little alone time and the coolness of seeing a movie a week before it came out but instead I laughed like I haven't in a long time and cried more than I'd like in a public place. Being a mommy I could totally relate to the characters as they learned how to raise a 1 year old and it made me feel like I was in the cool club since I've been there and done that and wished that hadn't happened at times....
It also gave me a very uneasy feeling of not having a plan so to speak....It's no secret that in the movie this precious little girls parents are both killed in an accident and left to be cared for by 2 single mutual friends of her parents..I knew that going in but it still hit me hard....I sobbed so hard during this part of the movie and felt heartsick...What if something like that were to happen to Evan and I? Who would take care of Avery? What would happen with her?
When we were in our third trimester I remember our insurance lady calling and asking how I was doing and wondering if we'd like to look into making out our wills so things could be done in preparation for our new life chapter...Evan and I laughed about that phone call because we couldn't fathom anything happening to us so young and at the same time....but then Avery was born. You instantly fall in love with your baby the moment you see their tiny face, you feel a sense of obligation and pride and you indistinctly want to protect them from all the bad things in the world. Your attitude and views change I mean....having a child is life altering in so many ways (all positive!). We hadn't even left the hospital when Evan and I started talking about who we'd want as Avery's God-parents, who we'd want to raise her if something should happen to us, what we wanted her to grow up knowing, the kind of schools and interest she should have to help nurture her etc.etc.etc.
She has a wonderful God-father and God-mother but they don't seem to be into kids at all, they rarely see her and we rarely see them and they never ask about her unless we bring her up which we do all the time because we'll..we're parents. However, in the 21months of Avery's life we have made so many new friends, we've grown apart from others we wished we hadn't and also some we were thankful to part from.
Maybe we're too old fashioned here? Is this something most parents already sort out before they even have children? Do you parents out their have a plan in case something happens? It was always my thought that God-Parents were the ones you would want your child to look up to and be the ones to raise your child if heaven forbid something happened to you both but I don't think in our situation that that would be a good thing for either side. The movie also pointed out a very true thing of...the two people never knew they were chosen by the parents and they never agreed to doing it but they did it because they loved the little girl.....I don't want to burden someone with that!
Evan and I are going to sit down and make out our wills soon and look into a trust fund to start putting money in for Avery for college and what-not but I just can't help wondering who we could put under the subject line of raising Avery if something should happen to us both and thanks to this movie it worries me to not have a plan for her even though it's HIGHLY unlikely that Evan and I would both go together and leave her alone.
I could cry just thinking about it let alone the movie, which I may add is a really good movie and I highly recommend it because it's funny and so realistic and you get swept into it which is what movies are supposed to do to you.
Life is Precious.
Love & Blessings,
Britt & Co.
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