Saturday, March 5, 2011

Everything must find it's place...

I've come to the realization that I am in need of better or should I say, more reliable accountability.

Seems that I have this little problem, I like to start things but never finish them. I build these things up, prioritize them, make plans, start on them, then give up. I don't think it's intentional and I highly doubt that at the time of doing this process that I even realize I'm doing it.

I did it with Scrap booking- The 3 boxes of supplies, kits, photos and mementos speak for me.

I did it with running- 3 nights a week for 4 months then nothing for almost 3 months and a no show to my first 5k (we moved the day of).

I did it with Painting- 6 months, 5 murals, hundreds of dollars in supplies....then nothing for almost 2 years. (getting better with my new commissions, Thanks Nan)

What else.... there was my weight-loss goal (lasted 3 weeks), there was my sewing projects (machine is now dusty), there was cooking better (I ended the blog I created due to non-activity), I mean these are the recent ones I have brought back into focus but I know there are more.

I also know I am in need of better accountability with my walk with Christ. Being a Christian is more than a choice, it's a life-style. It's a guide to others.  My walk with Christ is not where it once was and although I am not worried overly about it due to knowing what I need to do (Which you would think would be so easy yet it's not), it's the fact that I don't feel as though I have any friendships that can relate to this or help me. Let me back up on that last statement. I know I have friends who can help me be accountable, I just mean that I have a few too many relationships that seem to get in my way of being better acquainted with those I strive to be more like. Make sense?

It's more than my walk with Christ, it's more than my mothering intuition nagging at me, it's more than feeling as though I am lacking in a few areas I wish I wasn't and it's definitely more than a feeling of failure for not being where I "Should be" at my age and stage in life. I want more for myself. I want more for those around me. I know how to start that process but I just feel that if I'm not being held in check on occasion it'll get lost in the pile of "projects" I have scattered around me.

This week has been productive and with it has come a lot of light bulbs so to speak. I need to get on top of where and what we're doing in Denton other than living here if I'm going to be truly happy. Guess it's a annual thing of dusting out the cobwebs and trying to gain more understanding of who I am becoming as a human being.

Sorry for the cryptic-ness of this entry, seems I do a lot of rambling and random-ness in my blog lately. Just better formulates things for me in the end.

Have a wonderful Sunday sweet followers, leave me some advice or tips or recommendations, I'm all ears. :)


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