Sunday, March 27, 2011

Don't wait too long.....

First and foremost, a HUGE Thank You to all my prayer warrior friends and even the positive thoughts and huggers out there. I've posted on my FB all about my dad but not the full details. He is still in the CCU but he is on the mend so a big PRAISE.

My dad had been dealing with leg and hip pain and went to see a specialist 3 months ago about his leg only to have a small outpatient procedure to see what was going on since his circulation is horrible on his left leg and they couldn't get a pulse. (he's 44)
 During the procedure they put a stint in his artery to help with the blockage and he had to start a few lifestyle changes which he was already working on.

Well, he went for his 3 month check up this past Wed. and they were concerned that something was wrong, took an X-ray and found he had more blockage than before and scheduled him for surgery the next day. During the surgery they found that his stints had shattered and were covered with plaque, his blockage was also 80% which is um, yeah, not good. After the surgery while in recovery they thought he had formed a clot in his leg so he stayed overnight while they gave him medication to dissolve the clot. Friday morning they do another x-ray which shows it wasn't a clot in his leg but more plaque and they needed to yet again go in with another surgery ASAP.

My dad went into surgery around 1:30pm and was not done until 10:45pm!! 9 hours in surgery where they found severe amounts of plaque in his leg and fragments down to his ankle. His surgeon said he was lucky to keep his foot and still may lose it if they find more plaque or have any complications since he can't take on another surgery.

I know the majority of the people who read my blog, that being said I know you know my story. My dad and I are not the typical father/daughter duo and as much as I wish for/ want/ long/crave, etc. for that relationship we just can't seem to get there. However, I am besotted with him. I look up to him a lot and I love him. Even with our past, with our faults, all that junk. He is my dad and he is Averys "Pops" and having him in her life makes my heart swell. He's also never been sick or hurt like this in his life. This scared me. Scares me still since he's a cynical person when it comes to religion and Evan and I have tried to have talks with him about his salvation but he normally scoffs it off or says something hurtful but yet, in his special way of saying "shut up" as to not seem too offensive.

When my stepmother (whom I adore and am beyond Thankful for) called my mom and asked us to come down yesterday and kept sending me txt updates I got upset. I went to that worst-case scenario and it floored me. I just got my dad back, I don't want to lose him! Then I got out of that horrible mind set and started thinking about what would happen if he lost his foot or leg...he's still young, he's fairly healthy, he has a wonderful wife, great work benefits, he's got support, it wouldn't do him in, he'd survive it.
The whole drive down my mom and I just talked about stuff and didn't really go into his health except for her view on the men in our family living life "rough" and not treating their body's the way they should.

I'm beyond familiar with hospitals and procedures and medical stuff so it wasn't a big deal when after waiting 2 hours they brought him back to his room...but for me...I couldn't do much but stand by his bedside, not even up beside him to let him know I was there but enough to look at him. I helped my step mom with getting him water and a washcloth but that was it. I tried to talk to him but it didn't feel right. I felt like I shouldn't have been there, like I was intruding! Then again, I had to be there.

I know, doesn't make much sense....

That first hour of being in recovery with him was shocking for me. My tall, strong, intimidating and handsome daddy looked...human. He looked fragile and it scared me. He was swollen from all the fluids, had 3 iv's in him and tubes everywhere and  it didn't seem right. I mean all the medical supplies, yes but him...he didn't look right being that vulnerable.

It made me feel like I had wasted too much time waiting on him to simply be my dad. I doubt he ever says any of the thousands of words I've dreamt about, I know the conversations I long for will probably never happen and yet, I've held that against him for years. I've wasted a lot of heart and emotions when I should have been praising God and being Thankful that he was in my life and that he was at least...trying.

Sweet readers, dear friends, I hope you don't wait too long on that person in your life like this.

I can't wait for him to recover and get back home. Maybe I can take a stab at trying things out with him in a less judgemental and hurt way but more in thanks of having him in my life. In my daughters life too for that matter.

Please, keep those prayers, thoughts, hugs and love coming in. We're all feeling them and I know they are working. I appreciate them more than you'll ever know.


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