Sunday, August 14, 2011

He Gives & Takes Away...

Evans surgery on Friday went far smoother than we had anticipated. He certainly had it easier than I did when I had my wisdom teeth removed, then again, he only had 2 out not all 4. He also got way better drugs for the pain. Lucky duck. :) I'm relieved he isn't hurting though, who likes to see their spouses hurting?!

This past week was by far an emotional roller coaster for me. Seems like God has just been so busy with everyone around us with so much life being given and taken away in the past 2 weeks and it's truly so hard to see friends grieve and falter and then to turn around and celebrate and rejoice with others.

 I know in the past I have referred to how August 8th effects me and this year was no different. Different yes, as in the hurt wasn't as bad and the guilt didn't slap at me like last year or the year before but still....I had my own personal day to reflect and cry and just give Thanks to God for allowing me such a precious treasure in Heaven awaiting me some day and for the blessing that is and always will be my sweet Avery. It comes as a double edged sword for me I guess....on one hand, we lost our first baby before we could really truly know the Love they had to offer us. Then again...if we hadn't of lost that precious one....we wouldn't have had Avery. I can not fathom my life without her in it. It hurts to even try. I'm dealing with this better though and Monday was tough for me but it was also a sweet blessing to hold my child and hug her and laugh as she wiped away my tears while I was in bed in the middle of a pity party and told me in that perfect toddler way "No cry mommy, I'm here kay?!"...followed with "Chocolate milk? You get it, I wait here."

If she only knew what that sweet moment meant to me.....

Just like the lyrics to a wonderful Christian song...

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name.

I have other issues going on with myself lately and I know Gods hand is as always in control of everything and I know it's for a far more greater purpose than I can think of for myself. He loves me that much.

I'll end this entry with that. Nothing much to report on without going into further details of other peoples celebrations and sadness lately and that's not my place. Just know that for me at least, Prayer can do more than you think and although some of my friends right now are hurting and feeling alone in their feelings...I hope you know you are NOT alone. And it hurts now and it's hard right now....but it gets better with each day. No matter where the source of pain or hardships lie...


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