That time of year...

Avery will be 1 in 3 weeks. I don't know how to feel about this....
I look at her and feel beyond blessed to be her mom, how is it possible I had a life before her or that I was content? Life just doesn't seem right without her in it. She is getting so BIG, my daughter is a giant in comparison with 4 other 11 month olds we know, anyone know a good book I can weigh on her head to stop her?
 Sorry, just had a moment  since I just checked on her sleeping and got one of those "Ah-ha!" moments.

My sister, Desiree arrived from NC yesterday and is here until the 5th. I am soooo happy she is here. With all the stress and just all around junk going on in my life right now I needed someone and now, she's here. Plus, she gets some good Avery time in which she needs. So far we have gone book shopping and seen New Moon and Blind Side and that's in just two days! I love it when she is here.

So, since she is here I plan on not using her computer as much and getting some much needed family time in. So before I lose touch too much I wanted to share my THANKFUL list.

MY 2009 THANKFUL LIST

• My family- for all the stress, drama and craziness they give me I am Thankful to have them in my life.
• My friends- for the ones who have come and gone in my life to the new ones I have met this year, there is a purpose for every friendship and this year has by far given me the most important friendships I think I will need in my life.
• My health- having Avery at the very end of the year meant that I started this year at an all time low weight wise and gained more confidence in myself which has set off a healthy trend in my diet and way of living. I have several friends with health issues and I know I have taken my health for granted because I never paid much attention to it until this year.
• Our Troops- to willingly be away from their friends and family so that we can have the freedoms we have is truly a thing to respect and honor, I know there are people with other opinions on this topic but I am Thankful to all of them.
• My faith- God is truly a generous giver to me this year, the blessings I have had are at times over whelming for me to process and scary to think of at others due to how crazy my year has been but I know it's all thanks to his love and forgiveness for me. I have seen things differently with the situations handed to me and I am stronger and more grateful because of them.
• Evan-.....the past 3 months have been scary for us. Probably the scariest yet in our marriage but we're still fighting for it. I love you, I do not say it enough and for that, I am sorry. I am Thankful for your love, support, your faith and dedication to us and Avery. You're still my best friend and even though things are rough right now, I know we'll get through it.
• Avery- You are by far the brightest light in my life. The blessings you give me are daily and in the simplest forms; your smiles, your giggles, your kisses and sweet hugs fill my heart with more love and joy a person can think of. Watching you grow up is crazy to me, you're so smart. I have prayed for you since I was a little girl and yet, I never realized how lucky I would get with you as my baby. You make me happy and proud and I feel so complete with you.

AFK LIST

1. Our Macbook is sick and we might have to put it down! I'm kinda freaking out about losing ALL our pictures from 2007-present plus our 1800 songs on iTunes. Yeah, not cool.

1. Didn't get the job HOWEVER, they are waiting for me to get my GED, update my application then come January.....I may have a position waiting for me!!! He said my background was not his concern, he thinks I'm a great fit for the district. GAH!

1. Marriage Drama is a private matter but please, pray for Evan and I.

1. Getting LOTS of community service hours in, thus making my life with no internet more survivable.

1. My kids are making it hard to imagine finding another job but I have to. Why do they have to be so sweet and fun?

1. The hunt for the perfect rent house has begun and I am falling in love with Denton everytime we go driving around for a house. I can't wait to be home.

1. Thanksgiving is going to be a hard one(for me). Avery's first one and all our family will be spread out and not together for the first time in 4 years! I thought my sister was flying in so we made plans to be with my side of the fam and now she isn't coming and others in MY family are bailing out on the plan but Evan and I already commited. We could be going to MO with his mom and dad and would be only 2 hours from our dear friends the Dansby's but no....ARGH.

1. They are all labeled one on purpose. :P

Procrastination and Fear get you NOWHERE.

Today I got hit in the face with the biggest feeling of FAILURE. Which, then lead to a 3 hour pity-party where I bawled my eyes out and then got mad at myself. YAY for fridays.

So, I had my interview today. I thought it went . . .okay. It lasted less than 15 minutes and by the time I got back in my car I kept saying to myself (because, yes, I do talk to myself) "10 minute interview? No good, way to waste their time." I then analyzed all the questions they had asked me and all my answers to see if there was a reason it was so short..I know, lame.

Then the most bizzare thing happened around 3pm (a whopping 4 hours after my interview). The HR rep, called to offer me the job........

HE OFFERED ME THE JOB!

He went on a list reading of all the benefits with the job..the pay, the insurance, the hours, the holidays, etc. Then he talked about the ONE thing I figured would cost me the job...background check. I have no problems with them doing the background check, I'm very open with being on Deferred Adjudification, especially since it was almost 4 years ago and it was a misdemeanor and not a crime like drugs, drinking or anything involving children. I'm not a threat to anyone and all I lack is 86 hours of community service before it's esponged off my record..still though, it has cost me several job oppourtunities and I understand where employers come from so hearing "Sorry, no." no longer hurts me like it used to when it comes to not getting a job because of that.

Anyway.

He also asked for a diploma. *Cue failure*

I still have yet to go get my GED. I know, I know. This should have been done years ago! I have paid for 3 tests and just bailed on them due to my fear of not passing. I posted on here just a few months ago about doing it for Avery because I owed her a better life than I had and I signed up for classes but when I went to the first one, I was the oldest there and it literally made me sick to my stomach so I left.

I can't do this anymore. This is the best job I have EVER been offered and I may not get it because of what? Excuses and nerves? I'm smarter than that! I deserve this job, I deserve to have this kind of income and not to mention, I want it badly.

So, I called them back. Explained that I planned on taking the test for my GED within the next 3 weeks and was concerned about the background check ruling me out anyways and asked them what they thought I should do.

He told me to call him monday at 9:30 but before then to go online and fill out an official application and be very detailed on my Deferred Adjudification. He also said he had asked me in our earlier conversation if I wanted "time to think about taking the job" and said he could also give me 2 weeks to put in my notice at MDO. So my plan is this....

Tomorrow morning I am enrolling in an online school that is accredited and will help me get my GED/ High school diploma in 2-6 weeks (I'm aiming for 2). Even if I don't get this job I will re-apply for another clerical job with the ISD come January. If for some reason my background check passes through, I will then ask for 2 weeks to "think about the job offer" while I BUST MY BUTT getting my GED. If my background check does not go through then I will thank them for their time and offer and still work on getting my GED in a few weeks and then work on my hours so this can be esponged faster than my game plan now. It's a start and even if the job is out I WILL have my GED before Christmas!

I do not want to sound whiny, I know why I am in this mess. I know I have nobody to blame but myself but it's just so saddening to think I could have this job if I had only just taken the test in June! Then I get frustrated and remind myself it's the least worry because it can be fixed by taking a test....the background check has stopped me from getting 6 jobs in the past  3 months alone.

6 jobs, countless offers and for ONE bad judgement call I made 4 years ago. Hardly seems fair considering there are real crooks out there working the system and not getting into trouble or even probation for things like DUI's and Child Molesting but I got 4 years deffered for "Refund fraud" in which I was unaware I was doing it to begin with until I was called to court for  the managers trial.... 5 months after I left Home Depot for a better job!

>:O

Yeah, not cool and yet I have been gracious, I have cooperated, I have paid my fine and am in the middle of doing my community service to get this nightmare over with.

Society is slighty...well more than slightly askew when it comes to how it's laws are dictated and passed for people. I hate having to introduce myself to potential employers and then get offered a job only to have to go to them and say "By the way, if you do a BGC on me, it's says I'm a criminal but I'm really not and hope you'll give me a shot at your business." Not just employers to mind you, but this whole trying to move to Denton is being hindered because Realtors want to do BGC on us and when they see my "fraud" from 2006 we're instantly denied! Landlords and apartment complexes (ones worth wanting to live at anyway) don't take people with any BG in theft which fraud is under in the state of TX.

Can't I just get a break, I mean, a good one? This one was good and I am THANKFUL that God is with us and trying to get me where I need to be but to get my hopes up only to have a negative end result wears on ones heart and faith a little.

*sigh* Over and out.

Let Grace be enough.

Our Fam-Fam on Halloween.

Halloween was a hit. Avery's costume survived our church's Fall Festival and received a lot of compliments. I think next year she'll go as something easy like a ballerina or a ghost though, I'm crafty but not when it comes to sewing/ costume making.

Avery if currently fighting off  a double ear infection and a bizarre bacterial infection and I am past the point of sick of it. I hate watching her be so miserable, worse, she is on 2 heavy antibiotics and they take a lot out of her little body. Plus side? She's been sleeping through the night 2 nights in a row.

Evan took on a overtime project and has been working on top of his day hours from 10pm-4am! Needless to say we have not seen much of daddy this week. Tonight's the last night though and tomorrow Avery and I get to leave Denton for a change and sleep at home!! I must say to all those single parents out there, BLESS YOU. It is not a easy task at all to raise a child single handed and I am beyond exhausted this week from  doing it all. At least his paycheck next week will be amazing.

Okay, I want to share something on here that I can't on FB or Myspace.....quite exciting and I need some prayer warriors on my side.

I received a call this morning from a church family member who watched Avery for me Sunday night. I didn't think anything of it when I answered because I assumed it would be about Avery. She didn't have any small talk after I said Hello instead, she asked me "Would you like a job?" in which I said "Uh...sure, I'm looking for a second job." She then proceeded to tell me how a position has been open for several months at the ISD building that should have been filled a long time ago and how she went to the head women and told her about me and pulled some strings and if I send her my resume I have an interview friday at 11am.

Yeah, just like that...just come in on friday at 11am and do an interview.

I'm still a bit flabbergasted. See, I have been praying for a job to help us out because as much as I adore my kids and LOVE my job at MDO, it's not covering anything financially! I took the job at MDO because after 4 months of no news I just couldn't sit at home another day doing nothing besides circling want ads that frankly, were beneath me and my skills. I committed to MDO because I knew we wanted to move to Denton and it would be a great place for Avery to go....I never knew I would fall in love with it so fast and be so determined to get my kids to know the love of Jesus along with their numbers and alphabet. Yet, I am a firm believer in answered prayers and signs that God gives us to help re-direct us to his path for our lives and this REALLY seems like on of those signs.

IF and I say IF in a major way here...IF I were to get this job it would seal the deal on not only moving back to Denton come January, it would improve our hunting because we can afford more rent. It could secure a babysitter who could actually take care of Avery and yet, she could still go to MDO on Tues. and Thurs. It would mean benefits for me, less driving, and all around happiness in our home.

I also feel sick to my stomach when I think about the teachers and kids....if I get this job it means no more MDO. No more kids. It's full time and all year round. I just hit the one month mark teaching there and committed to Shelly that it would be a more longer term and we're already under staffed so if I got this job I would be hurting them even more and to me that seems selfish but I have to think of Avery and Evan and what's good for our family.

Ugh, such a hard choice and there's no promise of anything really happening on friday besides a job interview taking place...which is why I have not mentioned it on FB due to the other teachers and Shelly being friends I don't want anyone thinking I'm bailing for no reason.

YIKES, just looked at the clock and it's 2am! BED TIME FOR ME.

I'll leave you with a pic of Avery from today after we bought her new winter clothes we had a mini-fashion show and this was my fave outfit.

She's so cute.

Hard to believe in 44 days she'll be 1!