11yrs later....

I honestly had no intention of blogging about today. Yes, I'm well aware it's Patriot Day and as an American who was alive on September 11, 2001 I still have a very, VERY vivid account of my life that day and the following weeks after the attacks on our country. I know I have posted throughout the years about it, I know I've shared  feelings, thoughts and emotions about it but tonight, it shifted for me. Tonight it was brought back anew for me and I had to have a conversation about it I really wish I didn't have to.

I got caught up in the news on CNN and flipped to another channel which happened to be the history channel, not thinking much about the time I watched coverage of the events of 9/11 and listening to peoples accounts of that day.  As I went to get a tissue since I was crying I realized Avery had left her bed at some point and was leaning against the couch watching the TV.....

My sweet 3yr old was watching the first building fall with big wide eyes and then looked at me as I stood there crying and just said "Mommy! What happened!"

What do you say? How do you respond? How do you explain something so horrible and so life altering for millions of people to a 3yr old?!

So I grabbed a tissue, put the TV on mute and sat her beside me as she wiped my face and kept asking if I was okay. I literally didn't know how to have the conversation with Avery, I didn't want to. I know it's important, I know it's history for her but she's 3!!!

So I just started with "Mommys okay, just sad at watching the TV show what happened when mommy and daddy were in high school, it happened 11yrs ago, before you were born." She grasped that part easy enough and just said "What happened?" So I continued with "well, some bad men did something terrible in NYC and in Pennsylvania, they took over some planes and flew them into some important buildings and a lot of people got hurt and went to heaven that day."

"Why they do that mommy?"

Why indeed! I sat there trying to figure out how to answer this and just tried to sort out what I felt and what many Americans felt, we still have soldiers over there fighting because of these events!

"Baby, some people have hard hearts towards our country because they don't understand our freedoms, you know what freedoms are? Like how you get to go to school, go to church, college some day...other countries don't get to do these things. Mommy can't tell you why they did this but it happened and it hurt a lot of people and now we have soldiers fighting on the other side of the world to make sure we stay safe."

She sat with me for a bit, wiped my face then just said "That's so sad mommy, but we have good people still"

I didn't really say much to that,just smiled and asked if she had any other questions or if she wanted to talk about it anymore. "It happened?" "Yes baby, way before you were born" "You and daddy saw it?" "Yes baby, we were in high school." "It made you sad?" "Still does." "Okay mommy."

As a parent you have a few moments where certain topics get brought up and you prepare for them, like  death, puberty, driving, high school, graduation, first heartbreak, first lost friendships, etc....but having to explain terrorist attacks on your country past or present or war or things of that nature...I wasn't aware of!

I wish I could protect her sweet innocence longer, I wish she wasn't so keen on things but I also know she can handle these facts of life because of her personality and because of her sweet nurturing nature. I know she will ask questions if she feels like it and I also know she won't let it haunt her. I just wish I knew the magic words, I fear of failing her in understanding why things happen and in this day and age it's just sickening to know what some people are capable of doing to strangers.

I still, 11 years later, cry over scenes and stories of 9/11. I still get a little angry, I'm still confused. I'm also proud of our country, proud of the soldiers who fight willingly, proud of those who enlisted shortly after, proud of the victims families who still have pride in their hearts and never let their loved ones be forgotten.

September Already!? :)

I feel like such a broken record with my poor blog. I could have sworn I updated a few times in August but apparently I didn't! Same with my HLC blog which I'm starting to wonder was worth all the hype but I know it's just the pregnancy and summer-ness getting to me on that end.

SO much to catch up on and I warn you now you oh-so-AMAZING reader, I've got much to update and just pour out about. Maybe need to hash things out in a 2-parter and just keep this entry as simple as possible.

Life at the Hartfield casa seems to finally be slowing down after a busy summer. We just got back from a weekend trip with Evans parents (always and I mean ALWAYS fun being with those two amazing people!). Avery started school this week too which means new routine and schedule and not too mention a little free time for mommy and daddy.

Check out my big girl!!!

She is Blessed with two awesome teachers this year and I just can not tell you how EXCITED Evan and I are that she gets to have this experience. She really loves her school and the 1st week is done and she already has made new friends! She's also ridiculously taller than her classmates.....

We had 2 more foster litters come and go and we even got our sweet mama kitty, Layla adopted! I know it sounds dumb but after having her be at our fence, deck and slowy into our home after 2 years, I kinda didn't expect her to get adopted and she was adopted just 2hrs after I took her to the shelter!! When I was notified about her adoption, I sobbed. I'm talking...wailed! Boo-hooed and did the full blown ugly cry. I loved her and was so used to her ALWAYS being with us even though she really wasn't ours. After the last kitten was gone it took me 3 days to realize I wasn't hearing kittens or needing to get up and feed them. Paris and Gus are sure happy and Evan has asked that I not bring home anymore Little's until after our own new little arrives. :)


Speaking of our Little.....

IT'S A GIRL!!!!!

We are having ANOTHER girl! We found out 2wks ago and are super excited. For now she is referred to as "Little Miss" since we are not sharing her name until she is born. (I told 2 friends on accident and Evan told his parents so now we are being VERY strict with this rule!) Sadly, this is the best sono pic I have so far but I have my anatomy scan on Tuesday so hopefully I will get a better pic to share.

I'm 21wks today! Crazy to think we are already half way there! I started feeling her at 16wks but as of last week she has decided to let me know EVERY move she makes! With Avery it was a few stretches in my ribs and hiccups but this one....she's a roly poly!! Usually around 7am and 10pm she is most active and I am loving every second of it. I'll get a 20wks picture uploaded soon and show my 14wk/16wk & 20wk belly shots. :)

So far we know she has her daddy's booty, chin and profile, just like Avery did. She is super long and has little feet.

I'm finally getting the reality of it I think. I've been telling people how weird it is for me to be so lax about EVERYTHING with this pregnancy but once we found out SHE was a SHE I started planning and thinking and list making. Evan and I went to Babies R Us and started a registry, we've got her and Averys room laid out so I know where to start from there. I just wish I could narrow things down and stop being so indecisive. SO much has changed on the market since we had Avery and we both feel weird about asking people to buy Little Miss gifts for her shower which.....hasn't even been planned or talked about and I'm not even sure if I'm having one.

Her colors are Gray and Lilac with no theme for her nursery. I'm just going for colors and patterns. Super Hartfield, I know. ;)

Alright, that should do for a sufficient update. I'll get belly pics and another update out and about before the weekend hits full throttle.

Thanks for sticking with me and my lazy, nonblogging self.

-Brittnye